I Let My Ego Turn Me Into a Controlling Leader. Here's How I Reconditioned Myself and Learned to Let Go. Many of us take the exhausting, brute-force approach to getting things done without ever knowing how to make things flow and unfold naturally in our favor. Use these tips to find a new perspective on leadership.
- To let go of a limiting thought pattern, first, acknowledge that you hold one to begin with.
- Second, understand where the thought pattern came from.
- Lastly, adopt higher principles to live by.
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I'm sure we've all had moments where we let our pride and ego get in our own way of success. I'll be the first to admit that this has been something I've been working on.
In a world where we tend to overly glorify the accumulation of fame, power and resources, we can often overlook the many principles and character traits that would allow us to be naturally attractive to these things. We tend to act from a forceful place as we often unconsciously pursue self-aggrandizement over self-actualization. From our ignorance, we learn to chase and hustle after our desires instead of working to become the people these things chase after. As a result, many of us unconsciously look to control and manipulate things, people and situations as we subconsciously feel inadequate in comparison to the ideals we pedestalize.
In acknowledging these patterns within myself, I've seen that many of today's leaders struggle with the same ways of thinking. Many of us take the exhausting, brute-force approach to getting things done without ever knowing how to make things flow and unfold naturally in our favor. Rarely are we taught how to live an inspired life and inspire others to take action under our charge. Many of us only know of and look up to forceful leaders who mask their insecurities with the self-inflating nature of their egos.
The art of letting go
Transcending the ego to find genuine inspiration can be arduous for many people. We often grow up in environments that are not conducive to emotional intelligence and mental hygiene. Our caretakers and peers usually do not understand these things and thus unconsciously project their traumas and limiting beliefs onto us. As we also do not know any better, we internalize these things to perpetuate the same patterns that hold us back.
To effectively let go of our limiting thought pattern, one must follow a simple three-step reconditioning program:
- Acknowledge that we hold a limiting thought pattern.
- Understand where the thought pattern came from.
- Adopt higher principles to live by and begin experiencing the opposite energy in our lives.
Of course, following these steps is much easier said than done; it is the very nature of our egos to be blind to its ways and limitations. This blindness is why it is essential to practice mindfulness and critical thinking. By becoming more mindful of our patterns, we can open our minds to living with more creativity, flow and overall abundance. The following are a few ways to fast-track your journey toward effortless attraction and continuous inspiration.
Adopt a meditation practice
As a meditation teacher, I couldn't recommend this enough. Practicing mindful breath awareness and zen meditation are great ways to increase our self-awareness. Studies often show how meditation works to reduce stress and anxiety. Beyond that, consistent practice also cultivates detachment from our thoughts and emotions.
With this detachment, we can observe our consciousness to see that we are not our thoughts and emotions. Instead, we are the awareness that can witness, produce, and change these things with the proper understanding and approach.
In practicing meditation, we also open ourselves to understanding the nature of our consciousness, thus enhancing our ability to empathize with others. As we know ourselves, we know those around us as well.
Find an accountability partner
Your accountability partner should be someone emotionally intelligent. Hire a good coach or therapist if you're serious about this. A great accountability partner should be able to understand your situation and call you out when they see you're unconsciously acting out of integrity. They should also have straightforward and time-tested systems and principles to get you the results you want in life.
Develop your communication and conflict management skills
While we are interfacing with the world, we inevitably will interact with other people. Social science research has repeatedly shown us how the emotional states we carry and communicate are often contagious to those we interact with. Being mindful of our speech and body language is paramount to deepening our relationships and expanding our leadership potential.
In particular, conflict management skills are essential to effortless communication. In a world where most of us either shy away from confrontation or are overly aggressive in conflict, learning how to effectively communicate our more complex emotions, give negative feedback and set boundaries are excellent skills to have.
Regularly do things that challenge you to grow
In exposing ourselves to new situations, we give ourselves the opportunity for self-discovery and reflection. Should these situations be particularly challenging, perhaps they can illuminate our unconscious patterns and faults to work on.
For example, I used to be very socially anxious in college. I struggled with most of my relationships and knew I had to make significant changes if I wanted more from life. When I left college, I decided to become a salesperson to actively work on my social and persuasion skills. Doing so helped unlock massive leadership and income-earning potential for me!
Hopefully, these principles and suggestions are insightful to you. May we live a contemplative life that takes us to our highest potential and service to those around us.